Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A Galaxy Far, Far Away...

My three-year-old has become a complete Star Wars FANATIC over the past few months. Personally, I couldn't be happier. It sure beats the hell outta Dora constantly chanting, "Say! IT! LOUDER!!" until I want to put my foot through the screen. So, ya know, everything is relative.

What's been really cool about it is that, having grown up on the original trilogy and then the expanded prequels, I am also embracing my inner Star Wars geek. As a result, I am having real cinematic discussions about the series...

Granted, it's with someone who can't reliably wipe her own bottom... but, yeah.

Last night's car ride home gave me this little spot of wisdom:

"Hey, Mama, can we please watch Star Wars but not the other Star Wars, the REAL ones wif da REAL Pwincess Weia? Because the other ones have Queen Amidala and she's OK but I wike Pwincess Weia better and the Queen Amidala ones have some scary stuff and the other ones don't have that so can we watch them and maybe have a snack, like a lollipop, because I'm hungry?"

(I need to teach her punctuation.)

I try to weigh the merits of what Monkey watches, as to what it's teaching her either overtly or all sneaky-like. For that reason, there are a lot of shows (really popular ones even) which I don't give airtime.

IMHO, too much of what classifies as children's shows feature kids/tweens/teens running their mouths and being snotty and I just don't see that as a good idea.

So, let's look at what lessons Star Wars (and by that I mean all six movies, though we mainly go for Episodes 4-6) can teach kids:

  1. Help your friends. 
  2. You have to be smarter than the bad guys, especially when there are more of them and they're bigger than you.
  3. Don't underestimate the small and/or funny-looking guys... hey, Master Yoda may be small, but he sure can open a big ol' can o'whupass!
  4. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. 
  5. Find your focus by listening to your innermost voice. 
  6. Develop your talents. You have them for a reason.
  7. Be resourceful. (tauntaun Snuggie, anyone?)
  8. Some people would do anything for money. Don't be one of them.
  9. Honor your debts. Or you will find your ASS-ets frozen. (couldn't resist!)
  10. The person (or droid) who knows how to fix the computer is the one with the real power.
  11. Be willing to fight for what you believe in.
  12. The Jedi Mind Trick would be uber-cool if it worked in real life. (When faced with a reality I don't like or an argument I am clearly losing, I often reply, "These are not the droids you're looking for." So far it hasn't worked...gotta work on my technique.)

And, last but not least:

13.  The bad guys have better theme music.

May the Force be with you...!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Sounds of the Season

I was reminded recently that I haven't done much on here (again). Le Sigh. The trend was that I would blog on my lunch hour at work...then work went totally haywire and lunch hours became "let's see what I can cram down my throat in 10 minutes."

But, since Monkey has been in RARE form lately I just had to get back on my bloggy horse and share some gems.


1. "Mommy, I love you so much... I'm gonna eat your mipples off." (mipples = uh, yeah)
I responded with: Um, thanks, but you already did that.

2. "When you're done getting married wif Daddy, can I marry him?"
Me: No, baby. We don't live in Kentucky. You can't marry Daddy, because he's your daddy.
"But, I want a ring like yours!"
Aha... that girl is all about the bling. ;)

3. While Christmas caroling, after over an hour of walking in the cold rain, drenched and singing ironically about glad tidings, and cheer, and all that crap:
"UGH! I can't *TAKE* it anymore!!"
Me: Can't take WHAT, hon?
"This! Everything! I can't TAKE. IT."
-- This was met with appreciative laughter from the similarly drenched adults in the group. Daddy seized the opportunity to load her into the van and get out of the miserable walking-around-ness.

4. In the car, on the way home from visiting Grandma and Grandpa:
"Mommy, can we go to McDonalds? Pleeeeeeeeeeeze?"
Me: I don't know, babe. We'll have to see.
"But they have chicken nuggets and those are *healthy* for me. And, milk. Milk is healthy. Don't you want me to eat healthy stuff? Like, french fries?"
Me: Yeah, nice try there. Fries are NOT healthy. But you take your nap, and we'll see.

5. She complied, and after sleeping over an hour in her car seat, the snoozy Monk awoke with:
"Hi Mommy...
Can we go to McDonald's now?"
Me: Wow. You're really not going to let that go, are you?
"Nnnnnnnnnope."  (pronounced "nnnnnooo-puh")

6. With the upswing in successful potty trips, she's almost totally trained. Still doing Pull-ups at night (mostly for the sake of laundry, but even so, she's usually dry most mornings now). She stayed up WAY past bedtime last night and as Daddy informed me (upon my return from choir practice): "Beware. She has FULLY lost her mind this evening."

So, he and I were talking briefly and behind him, past our bedroom doorway goes the unmistakeable sight of bare preschooler heinie. An increasingly common occurrence, as she celebrates her upgrade to big girl pants.

But this streak came with a bonus... instead of the normal running and just giggling, she was singing.

"Feliz Navidad."

At the top of her lungs.
Buck naked.

...I kid you not.

Well, almost "Feliz Navidad"... she put her own twist on the lyrics and was actually streaking through the house singing, "Police Mommy Done." She argued vehemently that WE are wrong and those ARE the right words... I will never hear that song the same way.

7. I have mentioned before: Monkey is *not* a morning person. Not that I am, either. But, yesterday she woke up all kinds of grouchy, hungry, and whiny... and a good half hour earlier than usual. Which is kind of bad because that half-hour is when when Daddy and I do "fun" things like shower and floss our teeth. So, she was up, but that didn't mean normal morning stuff wasn't still on the agenda. I had about five minutes left to get in and OUT of the shower, with any hope of getting to work on time.

She picked that time to whiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiinnnnnnnnne. She wanted Star Wars (disk was downstairs). She wanted breakfast (too early). She wanted Daddy. She wanted me to sit with her. There was a lot of I want-I want- I want going on.

We have started employing the parent's dream discipline tool: SANTA IS WATCHING. Lately, instead of singing "You Can't Always Get What You Want" we have been going with "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." (She can now often be heard singing the chorus quietly to herself as she does something she doesn't want to, like cleaning up her toys.)

I was trying to run into the shower after setting her up on our bed with the TV (on the WRONG show, obviously, because it was a glass-half-empty day in Monkeyville) and she was yelling she wanted me.

I had poked my head back into our room to tell her we were done, when divine intervention struck:

My cell phone, charging on the dresser, buzzed. Loudly.

Without skipping a beat, I pointed to it and said, "See! That's probably Santa... You'd better stop."

Oh. Mah. Gawwwwwwwwwwd.

The look! The look on her face was just... priceless.

Her eyes went wide as saucers, and she kept looking from the phone, to me, and back. It was the epitome of "Ho...ly...shhhhhhh...!!"

She suddenly started doing the "stop-crying" suck-back sniffles.

I left the room, guffawing as I leapt into the shower... thinking:
Mother. Of the. YEAR. Oh, yeahhhh...!!

*After my shower I heard her eating breakfast with Daddy, whom she told: "Yeah, I was being a stinker... but then, Mommy's phone went off and it was Santa and I better STOP so I did." 

To his credit, Daddy choked back his laughter... I, however, lost it and did the ugly-snort-laugh.