Monday, November 18, 2013

Entertainment from the Car Seat

So it's been a while again, blah blah blah. Sorry. This had to be preserved because I am laughing so hard (internally! trying not to leak the guffaws) that I had to get it written...

This is what happened on our drive home tonight. Enjoy!

Monkey (seeing lights in the sky): Star bright, star BRIGHT, first star I see tonight. I wish I may I wish I MIGHT have this wish I wish TONIGHT!

...I wish I was in China right now.

(Mom stifles a giggle.)

Monkey: Mom, guess what? I just wished I was in China right now!
Me: Yes, baby, I heard that.
Monkey: But, I better not let Evie (her preschool friend) hear that.

Me: Uh...why?
Monkey: She doesn't like China.

(We travel a little further...)

Monkey: Know what, Mom? I REALLY think that if you wish on a star, it should like, follow you. It's YOUR star, cuz it's YOUR wish.

(a few beats pass)

Monkey: Hey!!! That star must have heard me-- it IS following us!
Me: Where?
Monkey: RIGHT THERE -- see! It followed us!

Me: That's because... that's an airplane.

Monkey (very studiously): No. It. Is. Not. ...Ok, the thing in FRONT of it? *That's* an airplane. And maybe the thing behind it. Airplane. But *I* am talking the thing in between. That's my star.

Me: Uh... still an airplane.

(We travel a little further...)

Monkey: Guess what, Mom? When I was with Elly (her other BFF) I *SECRETLY* watched Pocahontas I. Like, ALL OF IT. Because Elly wanted to watch Pocahontas II and I said we could NOT do that because even if she has seen Pocahontas I, I didn't yet. So we did and now I know Pocahontas.

(a very short beat passes)

Monkey: Do YOU know any Indian people?

Me: Uh... no?

Monkey: Because *I* do. I know Pocahontas. Even though that movie is kind of silly, because she has a Gramma Tree. Like, her Gramma. Is. A. Tree. And, I don't get it. Like, where's her grandpa? If you have a gramma, you gotta have a grandpa too. Somewhere. Is he a tree, too?

(I just held my breath in the sheer fantasticness of it all.)

Monkey: You know, mom, sometimes I talk so fast, even *I* don't know what I just said. Ifyouhaveagrammayougottahaveagrandpatoo. Didja get that? Cuz, I didn't.

We pulled into the driveway, and she asked if Daddy was home yet. I explained he had stopped off at church to pick up the pies we ordered. 

Monkey: Oh, my nuts! He's not home yet?

Me: ...What...What did you say?!

Monkey: He's not home yet?

Me: No, BEFORE that. What did you say??

Monkey: gosh...?

Me: That is definitely *NOT* what you said.

Monkey: Well then, I don't know. I don't even know what I just said... Is he really not home yet?

Me: No. Not yet.

Monkey: Oh, my nuts!

I... I just. I've got nothin'. Don't even know where to start...???